The claims of alien abduction range from frighteningly credible to the outright absurd. But the questions remain: are we being watched from afar? Are we being subject to kidnappings from eggheaded beings from another world who's only wish is to torture midwestern spud farmers and poke our eye's with needles? Is Elvis really up there flying around in earth's atmosphere abducting us at will so that he may once again have the audience he lost so long ago?
Hundreds of calls come in daily from around the country. Poor souls apparently no different than you or I being yanked from their beds, pulled from fishing boats, or sucked up into the mother ship while still in their sleeping bags only to be taken on a joyride, whisked through earth's hemisphere at millions of miles per hour then dropped nude in the middle of a shopping mall with no way to prove that the encounter ever happened. These aliens are cruel indeed.
And just what exactly is the purpose of these nefarious thefts of our persons? Are they scientific experiments of the most un-terrestrial form? Are these beings simply curious or are their reasons more ominous than is apparent? What could an alien race far superior to our own possibly want with our sperm? Is earth merely a fast food stop between interstellar destinations and our precious bodily fluids the delicacy?
We at Hillhouse Investigations intend to delve full boar into these questions and pull the answers out by their squiggling tentacles. No longer will we be taken unmercifully from our snug homes and forced to secrete for these creatures. And how do we intend to attack this non-terrestrial problem that the entire human race seams to be facing. Well since it is apparent to us that the nefarious beings seem to take a liking to particular people who are abducted not once but many times by the same aliens we have employed means to catch them on their return trips. Nets, tazers, beartraps, maybe even a good shotgun blast if it came down to that, and our secret U.F.O. incapacitating devices are sure to bring these violators of our freedom low.
So if you are a repeat abductee or are simply interested, wondering what you could possibly do, please contact us at dunstan@ic.net.
Who knows? You could be next.